That’s right everybody!  This recipe brought to you by MM’s Momma!   

Let’s start by addressing some inaccuracies in this article. 

First, I recognize that my mother has an alternate acronym on this site.  And while I don’t actually refer to her as Momma, doesn’t that just sound more appropriate for a chili recipe? 

Also, speaking of chili recipes, this isn’t actually a chili “soup” recipe.  It’s more of a straight-up chili recipe, but Triple-M’s recipe is for chili soup. 

Finally, speaking of Triple-M’s recipe, THIS recipe bears it only a passing resemblance.  So this isn’t so much Triple-M’s Famous Chili Soup Recipe as it is MM’s bastardized chili recipe that offends his mother to her very soul. 

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get started! 

Got a can opener?  Good, because the star of this show is 

Mmhm, lotsa beans.  Now personally, I prefer the Shur Fine Premium Dark Red Kidney Beans because they’re the very first can of beans I see in our grocery aisle, and the brand name tickles me.  I don’t use chili beans because I don’t believe in using ingredients that have the name of my recipe on their label – it makes me feel like I’m not working hard enough. 

Now the trick with these beans is to open the can…rinse the beans…then dump them into the cauldron.  You do NOT want to look in the can after you’ve dumped the beans.  It’s not something you want to think about. 

Want to make sure you dumped those beans correctly?  Here’s what it looks like so far: 

I forgot to mention – you’re going to want big ole cauldron for this sucker.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can get by with a pot and save on some cleaning time.  GO BIG. 

OK, next ingredient 

You probably noticed that these diced tomatoes are “Chili Ready” and you’re wondering about our rule against putting the recipe’s name on the label.  Don’t feel silly.  Obviously “Chili Ready” is describing the emotional state of these tomatoes, not their preparation.  These tomatoes are emotionally prepared to be part of this amazing chili recipe!  Open em up, drain the watery part, and dump em in! 

Next up, we’re going to need a little bit of added moisture.  Get yourself some V8: 

How much?  Round about half of that bottle, so let’s call it 23oz.  Don’t get too carried away.  You don’t want to turn this into a chili soup recipe, amirite?? 

Oh – about the chili part?  We’re going to season the absolute shit out of that V8.  Grab yourself some chili powder. 

OK, now dump…wait…

Son of a BITCH, that’s not nearly enough.  OK… 

OK!  Now dump a good amount of that chili powder into the cauldron with everything else! 

What’s that?  How much chili powder?   

A real recipe shows the measurements of the ingredients? 

I have literally never measured the chili powder.  Like, ever.  Can’t you just, kind of, dump a bunch in? 

FINE

I didn’t know how much I’d need and didn’t want to undershoot, so add that much of a ½ cup. 

Next up, Cayenne Pepper! 

Don’t add anywhere near as much of this stuff! 

<sigh> okay, add about this much 

What?  I’m not dirtying another measuring cup!   

Let’s round out our seasoning with another cayenne product.  I’m a big fan of Frank’s! 

OK, I just dumped that and it wasn’t anywhere near enough.  Do two of these…so, like half a cup?  See!  That measuring cup was totally the right call! 

Here’s how you know if you’re doing it right…it should look like this now! 

Stir the absolute ass out of that concoction now.  You want all that seasoning goodness seeping into everything. 

Let’s start working on our meat now.  Get yourself about a pound of sirloin and throw it in the pan. 

The beef on its own is pretty boring so you’ll want to add some kind of seasoning to it.  What kind of seasoning?  Well, tonight I went with GREEK Seasoning!  Why?  It was at the very front of our spice cabinet!  I’ve never used it in this recipe before.  In fact, I’ve never used it on beef before.  It’ll be fine!  Also, in full disclosure, it hadn’t been opened yet and it was coming out REALLY slowly.  So I got mad and poked a bigger hole in the top, which is why it looks like there’s so damned much up there.  So, season with something…to taste.  You do you. 

Oh shit, each ingredient needs a cameo picture.  Here’s that Greek seasoning: 

Why’s the Frank’s still in there?  Well, I’m growing concerned that I didn’t add enough before so I’m leaving it out to remind myself.   

Cook that beef up into bite size pieces now. 

Holy SHIT it’s taking forever for it to cook!  I usually have it going first, then I open all the cans and all that, but Kegger insisted on me taking a picture of every last thing, so I tried to do all this in order.   

I thought this recipe was like 15 minutes, and I’ve been cooking the damned beef that long already. 

OK, we’re going to add some whiskey to the recipe. 

Check it out!  Frank’s is ZERO calories!  How?  Because shut up, that’s how!   

I’m seriously concerned that I way underestimated the Frank’s amount, and it’s only just occurred to me that I could actually TASTE the concoction to see if it’s about right!  Let’s do that while this stupid meat continues to cook. 

OKAY!  That’s actually PLENTY of cayenne!  So, let’s put the Frank’s away and get back to the whiskey. 

Oh right, how much whiskey?  Mm – say about this much?  We’re going to need a good pour to offset some of that cayenne… 

Wait – don’t pour it in the fucking pot!  What the hell’s wrong with you!  We’re not pouring fine Irish whiskey into this sloppy mess!  You’re drinking it, you fool!  You know what, just put it down.  Step away. 

FINALLY the meat is done.  Dump it in the pot, but only after you’ve made sure to strain out the grease.  It’s totally no bueno to have a greasy chili. 

You know what this recipe needs some more of?  Meat!  Spicy meat!  Get yourself a pound of Italian Sausage! 

Full disclosure…I’ve never actually added Italian sausage to this recipe.  So I don’t know how it’ll turn out…and I actually don’t know how to cook it either.  I mean, how hard can it be, right?  Same core concept as the beef, right? 

Looking done yet? 

What do you think?  Call it? 

OK, we’ll go a little longer. 

Also, yes, that’s the same pan as I used on the beef.  You know why?  Flavor, that’s why!  And I’m absolutely not dirtying a second pan! 

Oh you know what?  You should definitely be stirring all that shit in the pot.  You were probably already doing that though, right?  I mean, self explanatory, right?  Right.  OK, here’s what it looks like about now… 

Oh shit, I didn’t even tell you to turn the heat on did I!  Well, you probably figured that out already too, right?  Turn that heat, like, all the way up as soon as you get the seasoning in there.  You want that bubbling, bubbling, toiling and troubling like an absolute maniac this whole time.  See how it’s still a little soupy?  Too soupy.  Cook that down and really get all that flavor consolidated! 

Speaking of heat, that cayenne is STILL sticking with me and it’s burning up in this kitchen.  Everybody take your top off!  From this point on in the recipe, tops are optional!   

Where were we?  Right, the sausage.  OK, it’s gotta be done by now right? 

No question in my mind – that looks like sausage for sure.  OK, dump it in! 

Yeah…that’s looking nice…still just a bit too soupy.  Let’s keep that all fired up for just a bit longer… 

AH YEAH, THAT’s WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT!  Turn off the heat, we’re good! 

Kegger also informed me that I needed to plate it.  That’s just silly, but here you go. 

Obviously you’ll want to serve this up with the big dipper scooper.  Now, this’ll serve about 9 servings.  How much is in a serving?  One big dipper scooper, obviously!